Big dining hall. Classical music on air. Big wedding.
« You’re the lucky bride! Aren t you happy? »
Daria is looking thouroughly uncomfortble in her lace filled, crinoline filled, puffed up dress.
« Well… I chose the man… »
-oh, good. »
-But I didn t choose the place… »
-Sloane tradition. »
-I didn t choose the dress… »
-Sloane tradition. »
-I didn t choose the decoration, nor the music, nor the church, nor the freaking shoes, nor the haircut. »
-haha! Sloane tradition strickes again! »
-And I never met the majority of the guests. »
-Well… I did have to put on one of those posh looking vintage dresses for ya. »
-You don t have to drown in a gone with the wind type of costume. »
-Well… You signed, Scarlet. i can t save you. Dive in the petits fours if you can eat. Welcome to the upper class, darling. Oh, cute boy, three o clock. Excuse-me. »
Jane moves away. Daria is alone, in the middle of the very elegantly dressed crowd, sighing. Tom is passing by, in a perfect ivory tuxido :
« Honey? Are you OK? »
-Will it look elegant if I faint? »
-I told mom to keep it simple. »
-I know. It s on me she took revenge. »
-Hang in there. You ll only have to wear this till desert. Then, you ll have to be dressed comfortably for the first dance. »
-Hooray. »
-Come on. You didn t meet all of my uncles, yet. »
Daria is looking bored, and tired, and she’s starting to limp.
« Daria, meet uncle uncle Alaric and aunty Antonina. »
-Pleased to meet you. »
They look thin and quite snobbish.
-Likewise, my dear. What a wonderful hairstyle. »
-Thanks to all of that hairspray, my head won t fall off. I think. »
Tom is trying to be helpful :
-haha! Isn t she funny? »
Aunty Antonina, pinched lipped :
-Amusing. »
Now Daria is looking quite annoyed, quite tired, and she s limping sensibly more.
« Daria, meet aunty Anabelle and uncle Alexander. »
-Pleased to meet you. »
-We’re delighted to meet you too! And we must say we re pleasantly surprised, aren t we, darling?! »
-Oh, yes! Knowing our Thomas, God knows whom he might have ended up with! »
Tom is blushing.
-He could have ended with some hippie… »
-Or some starving artist… »
-Oh, yes, darling! Someone with an impossible haircut… »
Tom is trying to stop them.
-Actually… »
-Constantly looking for inspiration… »
-Daria s best friend is… »
-Among other kinds of pretexts to avoid working! »
They re having so much fun, that they don t realize Daria is getting angry.
-You mean : the kind of person who gives aesthetic value to elegant places such as this? My, my… I m really not his type of girl. I made a mistake. Where are the divorce papers? »
The uncle and aunt look at each other, puzzled, for a second. Then they burst out laughing :
« She s quite something, isn t she? »
-Excuse me. »
Daria storms off, limping heavily. Tom is trying to follow her.
« Daria, they don t mea… »
-It’s fine. »
-Are you sure? Because… »
-I m FINE! »
-But… »
-Get back to them. I need some privacy. »
-As… You wish. »
Daria leaves the dining hall. She s got to go through the thick crowd, looking as she s passing by. She s sweating in her crinoline dress, and her feet are killing her. She climbs marble steps with difficulty, and opens a door. She s in a beautiful suite. She locks the door, sits on the bed, pulls her shoes off, thows them accross the room, and lies down.
« The most beautiful freaking day… is it ever going to end? »
A soft knock on the door, as she s staring at the ceiling.
« I m ok. I need a moment, please. »
The person is still knocking.
« I m ok, I ll be right here. »
The person insists :
« Oh, FINE. »
Daria goes to the door, and unlocks it. She can t believe her eyes : an older version of Andrea in a black silked cocktail dress storms in :
« So, you finally ran away. These wedding dresses, they re a mean for the step family to haze the bride, don t you think? »
-Fresher initiated. »
-I saw you limping away. Let me guess… High heel shoes under your dress? »
-Over here. »
-Oh, they thought you d be walking gracefully all night in this? »
-That, or some kind of torture is compulsory in a proper traditional wedding. »
-I came to save you. I always carry extra pair of flat shoes in events such as these. »
-I thought i d go barefoot. »
-Screw the in-laws. If you must, so be it. »
The shoes seem to fit. Daria is relieved :
-Oh, fairy godmother, and now, what shall wee do about this sea of fabric? »
-Put your dance dress on. Screw the crinoline. »
-Done. GOD, I was dying! »
-Welcome. »
Andrea leaves the room to let her get changed. Daria looks at the door for a moment :
« wait… What was she doing here? »
A few hours later, in the dining hall. The first dance is ending. Tom wants to keep dancing with Daria, but she spotted Jane accross the dance floor, and she leaves brusquely.
Jane is having fun with two handsome men, who happen to be the Ruttheimer twins. Daria takes Jane s hand :
« She ll be right back. Stay here. »
Jane is not happy to be dragged accross the room like this. Daria joins aunt Anabelle and uncle Alexander, and bluntly says :
« Please, meet my best friend, Jane. A starving artist. »
-A… Starving artist? »
-Oh, I actually earn my living. I let the starving part for my older brother. »
-So, it… Runs within the family? »
-Yes, but behind our ethereal façade, we re still hungry capitalists. »
The uncle and aunt look at each other for a second, and again, burst out laughing:
-You got us, there! What a joke! She s so funny! »
Daria is upset. Jane bows:
-A pleasure to meet you. »
And pulls Daria away.
« Relax, Daria. Come and dance. Enjoy the money. »
-May I dance with the beautiful bride? » says a very familiar voice.
Daria and Jane turn around, wide eyed. Upchuck is standing there, right behind them. He s slightly taller, and with a better haircut. he s holding hands with Andrea.
« As a friend of the Sloane family, it was a wonderful surprise to see your maiden name on the invitation card, former miss Morgendorfer. »
-Hello, Up… hum… Charles. »
-Please, call me Chuck. Delighted to meet you too, beautiful Jane lane. No need to present you to my loving wife. »
Andrea shivers, shaking the memory off :
-They made me wear glitter. »
Jane clears her throat :
-Well, Up… Hum… Chuck. I can see Daria s in good hands. I ve got to go. There are twins waiting for me on the dance floor. »
-Two Ruttheimers for one lovely lady? Grrr… »
Daria looks at Andrea :
-Did you really marry him? »
-I like the freckles. »
-Oh, but at Lawdayle High, I had all the leasure to work on my killer seduction skills. »
Daria looks at Andrea, again :
-Would it be cruel to tell him he never had any? »
Chuck laughs :
-Grrrr… Feisty! »
Les pattes de mouche de la puce polichinelle 