Here we are, at this stupid medieval fair, trying to escape to Upchuck, once more.
I guess we were too optimistic on that wheel, thinking we would finally get some damn peace, when LO AND BEHOLD! Here comes this girl running toward us, in tears. Oh me, oh my. She can’t join us. She’s absolutely not bursting into tears, and whinning indescribable words to get into the wheel with us. COME ON! I roll my eyes, and look at Jane.
She tries to negociate with the wheel guy : « NO ! WAIT! WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS! »
But the guy just wants to get rid of the scary girl with the running mascara, so negociation doesn’t work. And now… What’s her name, already? She’s one of the fashion club hellhounds, I think. Gracie… Tracy… I think those are words that come out of her mouth, but all we can hear is :
« Squeek! Squeek! Squeek! HEEEEEEEEEE! »
I tell Jane : « Well… I think she can’t see us. She’s in her own world. » Jane has her wicked smile:
-Then, she needs to change drugs. »
-Squeek! Squeek! Mumblemumble BREEEEEEEEET! » goes the mascara river monster.
-It’s a boy problem. » Jane and I try to guess:
-He dumped her. »
-For another girls. »
-For one of her friends. »
-And he didn’t even call back. »
-YEEEEEEEES! »
I think she’s trying to soud human:
« Mumblemuble one date… Mumblemumble call… And… HEEEE… WHOHOHOHOOOOO! »
-What was so interesting about this Bret anyway? »
-You’re encouraging her, Jane. »
-I wanna know! »
-Well… Mumblemumble popular… Mumblemumble TOO popular… Cuz mumblemumble Sandy said… »
-So… He was up to the fashion club’s standards. »
-Ye-eeees… »
-You’re such romantics, you. » concludes Jane. You don’t say.
I look at Jane. She’s also starting to have a headache. Someone’s gonna have to tell this girl… Oh, well… Stick on that wheel… That’s gonna be me, again :
« Listen : you were out with this guy because he seemed to fit your standards, anyway. But he let you down. So maybe, he didn’t. »
The sobbing stops for a second. I think I made a point.
« Nice one. » says Jane.
-Ye-eees. B-But… HEEEEE! WHOHOHOHOOOO! »
-But you wish he told you what went wrong in the first place. »
-Squeek! »
OK, then ASK THE BOY! » Jane is beginning to be frustrated.
-But… Mumblemumble Quinn says… Mumblemumble and Tiffany says… Mumblemumble… And SANDY says… »
-Who CARES what they say, damn it! You need to know, you ask the boy! »
She looks like we’re finally starting to make sense:
« Well… My assertiveness trainer, he says I should speak for myself. »
-DAMN RIGHT, he is! »
-He also says I should not be afraid to share my intererests. »
-He’s very wise. »
We keep encourraging her. The squeeking stopped. That’s what matters.
« I like painting and scuplting. » goes Jane.
-And I like cynical political books. »
-And I don’t read her weird stuff, but we really get along, because we watch sick sad world. »
-And we enjoy pizza. »
-Pizza’s nice. »
-Definately. »
-See? We can be ouselves, AND be friends. Share interests, even if we don’t share SHARE everything. »
-Well… I’d like to have a pet. A little doggie, or a little kitty, or a little birdy, or a little mouse, they’re sooooo cute. And Sandi says that pets are filthy, but still. And mum, she doesn’t want me to have pets, so I have little glass figurines. »
-That’s nice. »
Is it me, or Jane sounds totally paternalistic?
« And I like magic. Like… Making bunnies disappear, and stuff. I wonder how they do it. And Sandy says it’s for babies. »
-Who cares about Sandy? »
Miss Squeek seems happy to hear this.
« And I like ice skating, really really fast. And i think, when I ll drive, I will have a really really fast car… Or something… Like… A pretty car… But fast… But pretty… I think. »
-Oookkaaay. »
-I’ll ask mom if she can buy me lavender oil. Because it would help me get over Bret. And call him, maybe… I should call him, right? Like you said… Right? »
-Thaaat would be nice. »
There’s a few quiet minutes. She barely dares to ask:
« But… You’re Quinn’s exchange student, or cousin, or whatever… »
-They got her in a pet store. »
-They wanted a goldfish, but I was sold at a reasonable price. »
-Hun?! Well… Isn’t Quinn sooo pretty, and she’s so cool, and she’s soo smart, like she could even help you with… »
-Being a brain? »
-Yeah! And… She’s my best friend in the fashion club. Like… It’s her, and then Tiffany, and THEN Stancy, or her, and then Stacy, and then Tiffany. But Quinn is ALWAYS first. »
-OK. »
-B-But… I don’t have bouncy hair like her, and I’m not as popular, and now… I don’t have… A booooyfrieeeeeend… Snifflesniffles… »
Oh my, is she gonna cry again?
« That’s OK, be strong. Spit it out. » says Jane.
-Well… Do you think that Quinn still likes me? She’s MY friend, and all, and I really wanna keep being hers… »
-I you lost her friendship because of some random guy you went out with, she wouldn’t be such a good friend anyway, would she? But you’re still popular, AND you’re still in the fashion club. »
-That’s true. Oh my God, you’re sooo smart, Quinn’s cousin! »
-You shouldn’t worry. As long as you’re fashionable, she’ll hang out with you. »
-Thank you! »
We can tell it’s a big thing off her chest. Oh, wait. What else has she got to share?
« And… You know… I also read, and stuff… And I’ve got this book about Margaux Hemingway, and she was a model… And she died tragically, and all… And Sandy says it’s too gloomy, bu I like it… And I think you’d like it too… Right? Right? Because you like to read? » That was aimed directly at me.
-Hold on there, Misery Chick. » whispers Jane between her teeth.
The wheel is slowing down. It will soon be the end of this.
« You know, » says Miss Squeek:
-You two are really nice. Too bad you dress so badly. You should come to the fashion club. Sandy always says we should help the less fortunate. We wonldn’t mind helping. »
The wheel stops. As we get,down, ready to run, miss Squeek goes :
« So… You really think I should call him? »
-Oh yes. » says Jane.
-Or there could be a murder. » I say.
The girl nods in thankfulness, and darts off. Finally!
Les pattes de mouche de la puce polichinelle 